The Wrong Idea

Dirk’s third COLT film, ARMOUR, came out yesterday; he’s got two scenes in it, one with Bob Hager and another with Jessy Ares. I excitedly announced the film’s release on Facebook and posted the above official COLT promo photo… one of the only Facebook-safe pictures COLT provided! (I’ve posted the racier pics below.)

The next day I logged into Facebook to find a couple of rather unexpected comments on the photo:

Isaac Neil Adam:  urmm… he is soooo hot and gorgeous!!! woww!!! but i wonder if by any chance you doesnt feel jealous of your BF being ‘used’ by someone? just want to ask. because i cant stand if my love one is fucking or fucked by another guys. it hurts me alot and cause intense pain. my heart surely bleeding…

Craig McIntyre:  Isaac it’s just a job. No heart involved just pure sex without emotion.

Let me just say, for the record, it’s not like that, at least not for Dirk and me. I can tell you from my own personal experience that there’s plenty of emotion on a porn set. There’s lust for my fellow performers, passion for doing a good job, and the pure visceral joy and pleasure of fucking or being fucked. In addition, I’ve always felt genuine affection for each of my scene partners; Titan has sent a parade of classy, friendly, easy-going, smart, HOT men my way, so how could I not? And that emotional connection pours into the scene. Completely mechanical sex would be boring! And would make for pretty terrible porn, in my opinion. We’re human beings, not fuck machines. I’ve always had chemistry with my scene partners… and it’s that chemistry that drives the scene.

As to Isaac’s question: I love Dirk, and he has a special place in my heart, as do I in his. That said, both of us feel an intense desire to really connect with people we care about; that desire isn’t limited to just each other, and sometimes that connection includes a sexual component. We each have certain friends — close friends — with whom sex is a natural part of our friendship; it’s part of our bond. Dirk has friends whom he sleeps with on occasion, and I have some as well. I respect the friendships that Dirk has made, as he respects mine… but at no point have I ever felt “shut out” from them. Dirk and I have only one rule in our relationship: “Never bring home anything you don’t want to share.” It works on all sorts of levels, but in this context it allows a sexual openness that is both liberating and exhilarating. As long as I feel included, I’m not jealous at all.

Similarly, when he’s working on set, I feel in no way threatened. Porn sex may not be romantic love, but I know that Dirk enjoys making and exploring the sexual connection he has with his co-stars (just like I enjoy the connections I make with mine). In fact, I encourage those sorts of connections, as does he with me. Maybe he’ll learn some new techniques. Maybe he’ll make a new friend. Maybe he’ll bring that friend home so we can all explore those new techniques together. (It’s happened!) But most importantly, as long as he’s happy and I get to share in that happiness, I’m happy too… and that’s good enough for me.

And now for those COLT photos I promised. Make sure you check out ARMOUR, and all of Dirk’s other COLT and Titan films… and if you really want to see a lot of emotion in a porn film, check out the Titan films that Dirk and I shot together, LOUD AND NASTY and EXTRA FIRM!
 


 

12 replies
  1. Bennett Robbins
    Bennett Robbins says:

    I find interesting that you can have friends and lovers on different levels. You and Dirk are very hot together but the fact that both of you have different friends and can have passionate sex with them is extraordinary. Most of “us” believed that, like you said, it was all business and after work you all go home and say “nothing happened at work today.” I have to give you a hand that work is not just 9-5. At least you can bring home a piece. Please keep the fun coming.

    Reply
  2. Craig
    Craig says:

    What I get from you & Dirk is that there’s a realism the two you have acknowledged about your relationship that a lot of gay couple fail to do, that being there’s more to the the relationship than SEX. The two of you get it that it’s your job to have sex on camera and make it look believable and you can’t do that without there being chemistry between you & your scene partner, and that it doesn’t take away from the lover you have for each other. The other part is the reality that the two of live on opposite sides of the country and that you trust each other.

    Reply
  3. Pete
    Pete says:

    Jesse, I think your remarks in this entry are pretty remarkable, and they indicate that you and Dirk have such a strong foundation in your relationship that you’re able to maintain other good friendships that include sex, not to mention the part about having “real” sex on camera with hot studs. Titan is to be commended for pairing you with guys you are compatible with–something many studios do not do (which is often quite clear when you watch those scenes). My impression has been that most guys who do porn have a hard time maintaining a good relationship with a significant other, and for what it’s worth, I can understand why. (Porn guys who also escort seem to have the hardest time of all.) Seeing you two “take it to the next step up” is again, pretty amazing.

    Reply
  4. Craig S
    Craig S says:

    One thing that those commenters (the original Facebook ones, not the ones here) need to understand is that not everybody places (or even wants to place) the same value on strict physical monogamy as others do. Gay men (and lesbians and bisexuals and straight people too) have all kinds of different understandings in place with their partners — some demand strict monogamy, some have different arrangements about what kinds of outside activities are or aren’t allowed, some get involved in all kinds of different polyamorous combinations, and yeah, some date porn stars. And what makes it “cheating” isn’t the sex itself, but the question of whether that activity fits with what you and your partner or partners have or haven’t agreed upon.

    In a nutshell, it’s all about what works for you: if you want monogamy, date or marry people who want monogamy. If you want something different, then date or marry people who want something different. But what we always need to do is to talk about it and decide what works for us, and not just assume that everybody necessarily wants or needs the exact same relationship structures.

    As for me, I certainly wouldn’t mind dating a porn star. But I ain’t hot enough to score one.

    Reply
  5. Judá Chaves
    Judá Chaves says:

    You are a couple, that every man would like to have. Jesse and Dirk are perfect for both. I can not imagine my partner have sex with another man. It is very beautiful, and can fill my heart. Can I have a closed mind? Maybe. I have friends who have a relationship like yours. Have been asked to participate in a relationship with them, but I refused. Do not feel good after betraying my partner, I love him so much. And if they did the same to my mate, could he leave me for someone better than me? Would feel a huge void in my heart. I love to see your work. And like I said, you are a very beautiful couple. I hope that your relationship will last many years. 🙂 When you come to Portugal? A big hug to Jesse and Dirk. 🙂 *****

    Reply
  6. AP
    AP says:

    Thanks a lot for your insight about this. I have always felt like two different people, one who was raised to believe you meet one person you love and they are your everything in every way and the person who is pure sex and wants to explore it all. For a long time I could never see how both could co-exist, connect it maybe more to my own inner demons or lack of esteem but I have always had a hard time distancing sex from love when I am with my romantic partner. Recently I have met someone who tests ever part of this and has made me set on fire every old rule I had about love and sex. He makes me feel unashamed about My desires and his attitude about it all makes me so excited to change my ways and accept the person I have always wanted to be. Thanks again, it’s always great to hear other people’s experience with this. I am sure anyone who truly loves another individual questions it at one point or another.

    Reply
    • Jesse
      Jesse says:

      And with that, you’ve basically summed up everything that Dirk’s taught me over the last three years. 🙂 It’s an exciting time. Enjoy it!

      Reply

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  1. […] lack thereof). I like to think that Dirk and I have got the sex part covered, and when you take our One Rule — “never bring home anything you don’t want to share” — into account, […]

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