Something in the Way; He Moves

Home 01

Home sweet home!

I owe a lot to the porn industry. When I first took the plunge back in August of 2011, it was definitely a stretch. I’d always been kind of reserved; porn was something I never would have considered. When the guys at Titan contacted me, I thought about it for weeks. It would definitely be going out on a limb, but I’d come to understand that “out on a limb” is exactly where the fruit is; every time I’d tried something outside my comfort zone I’d been richly rewarded. So I decided to give it a try. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’m learning new things about myself every day; it’s been a great self-esteem builder and an amazing opportunity for expression and sexual growth. I’ve never felt so confident and connected. I’ve met some amazing people and made lots of new friends. But when I started, little did I know that my foray into this new and exciting world would bring me the greatest reward of all.

When Dirk and I met while working the Titan booth at the 2011 Folsom Street Fair, our connection was immediate and strong. When we got together in Houston a few weeks later, our suspicions were confirmed: This could be something great. Since then we’ve been engaged in an extended game of transcontinental ping pong. Every three weeks or so (on average) one of us would board a Southwest (or, god help us, Spirit Airlines) jet bound for Chicago-slash-Boston, or we would rendezvous in such metropolises as Baltimore, Orlando, Denver, San Francisco, Kansas City, Washington, Columbus, and Fort Lauderdale. We love being together, but the incessant travel — not to mention the cost of all those flights — has really been getting in the way. There have been many, many nights when all we’ve wanted is to hold each other, but we’re 800 miles apart. There’s even a certain hallway in Logan Airport’s Terminal E that we call the “sad corridor” because it’s where we’ve always had to say goodbye. But not anymore. After a year and a half, we’ve decided to take the next step.

We’re moving in together.

Memorial Day will be Dirk’s last weekend in Chicago. We’re gonna hit a few of the events at IML (Dirk will be doing bondage demonstrations for Bound Jocks at the Mr. S booth on Friday and Saturday, and we’re gonna attend the Grabbys), then on Monday we’re loading all his stuff into a truck and driving to Boston. Driving home.

Our street

My Our street in Boston

I’m a little nervous. Okay, that’s an understatement… I’m actually scared shitless. I’ve never lived with a partner before; everyone I’ve ever dated has had his own place. Dirk and I are both confident that we’ll be okay, though. My three-bedroom house (the one in the pictures) will give us plenty of room to spread out. The master bedroom is huge, plus we’re converting one of the spare bedrooms into an office so Dirk can have space to work (he “daylights” as a composer). Another thing we have going for us is that we lived together in Boston for the entire month of June last year and managed not to kill each other.

Some of you may be reading this and thinking, “Oh look, another porn couple… I wonder how long it’ll take until they self-destruct.” To those people, I’d like to say that I believe Dirk and I have a better-than-industry-average chance of survival… and here’s why. Physically, he’s the stuff of fantasy, to be sure. But corporeal beauty eventually fades; as Dirk once said in an interview for Grab magazine, “it isn’t what’s going to sustain your love for the guy when you’re together at 75.” He’s so much more than a walking wet dream, though… he’s whip-smart, creative, passionate, loving, generous, devoted… not to mention confident and sexy as all hell. He’s everything I could have ever wished for in a partner. And, for whatever reason, he seems to see a lot of good stuff in me too. We complement each other so amazingly well in so many ways; it’s a true partnership. When I look at Dirk, I know — don’t ask me how, because I can’t really explain it — that we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together. He knows it too. The elements are in place to sustain us until we’re 75, 80, 85… and beyond.

The last eighteen months haven’t always been easy. Like most people, we mostly share only the good stuff on our blogs and on Facebook… but in reality, we’ve faced (and worked through) plenty of challenges just like all couples do. This is certainly going to be a big adjustment for us; we’re both pretty stubborn people and we’re used to being on our own, so we’re expecting a few bumps along the way. But we love each other… and we’ve been apart for long enough. This feels so right. And we know in our hearts that we’re going to thrive.

As long as he remembers to put the toilet seat down.

Update: Several people have asked me why Dirk’s moving to Boston instead of me moving to Chicago. There are a few reasons, actually. We both have New England roots: I’ve lived in Boston my entire life and he grew up in Maine. Both of our families are here. I own my house (a 1200 sq. foot 3-bedroom in a nice suburb) and have an awesome job at an amazing company with great benefits; Dirk’s a freelance musician and can work just about anywhere, plus he gets to be on my health insurance as my domestic partner. While we both love Chicago — we have lots of friends there and we’ll definitely be back to visit — it simply made more sense for him to move here.

By the way, he’s bringing his dungeon bed with him, and we’re planning to film plenty of new home movies in my (much bigger) master bedroom… and all over the house…. so stay tuned……

47 replies
  1. Frank Knottyfor
    Frank Knottyfor says:

    I’ll second Mimi’s comment! And, yes, being in a relationship has its definite ups-and-downs but at the end of the day it’s the maturity and emotional strength that’ll carry the day.

    Congratulations, and if this works for a year or so, maybe, just maybe, they’ll be some engagement rings exchanged and, then, planning the wedding.

    Reply
  2. Mike
    Mike says:

    So happy to hear this. I’ve been with my guy for eight years now and plan on being with him for at least another 50. May you and Dirk also have that long together. You both deserve all the happiness in the world!

    Reply
  3. Ben Robbins
    Ben Robbins says:

    You have just described what those of us that have partners have gone through. Love, sex, kindness, generosity…dishes, laundry, making the bed and “who’s cooking tonight” are going to be part of your lives forever. And I do mean FOREVER. Both of you have already gone through the hard part…getting to know each other and learning each others behaviors. Now you will have more time for the good stuff. I don’t mean the sex, I mean the incessant cuddling, kissing, watching a movie together and face-to-face smiling that never ends.

    I admire you Jesse for going the last step. Send me a invitation for your wedding…and 25th anniversary.

    Ben

    Reply
    • EDWIN AND AGUSTIN
      EDWIN AND AGUSTIN says:

      Hi Ben
      I can identify totally with the laundry, cooking, etc, haha
      Sorry about my answer earlier, I simply cannot not tell the truth. We moved because before meeting my spouse I bought 5 apartments, one in each of those. We wanted to experience living in each of these countries, since we did not have to rent.
      Cheers
      Ed and Agus
      PS. google (Reflections from NZ blog) or (Anything Goes Mandarin blog) and you can find us 🙂

      Reply
  4. DRB
    DRB says:

    Congratulations and good luck! I know its your personal life but I love following you guys’ and knowing what’s going on.

    Reply
  5. Wesley B. Foreman
    Wesley B. Foreman says:

    Congratulations to you both. I expect the glow I see in you both whenever one talks or thinks about the other will get stronger and brighter now and in the years ahead.

    Reply
    • Jesse
      Jesse says:

      He hasn’t moved in yet… that’s next month… but that’s a great idea. I’ll have to see if I have any energy left after the 20 hour drive from Chicago, though… 😐

      Reply
  6. Steve
    Steve says:

    Awesome news guys! Ya’ll are such a great couple so glad that I can both of you “internet” friends! The next time ya’ll come down Houston TX way, let me know! I’m a great tour guide!

    Reply
  7. Jason (Jdawgie)
    Jason (Jdawgie) says:

    Jesse and Dirk I am so very happy for both of you, I appreciate you sharing your story with us. I hope one day our paths with cross, cause I have a few hugs n tugs to give you both! GRRRRR!

    Reply
  8. Baron
    Baron says:

    CONGRATS!!!! I’ll be on the lookout for you guys then. I’m shooting IML for chicagopride.com. Moving in with my partner was one of the best things I’ve ever done. Congrats again!

    Reply
  9. EDWIN AND AGUSTIN
    EDWIN AND AGUSTIN says:

    Hi Jesse
    It’s been a while since I commented on your blog which I enjoy reading a lot. Really really happy that you guys have decided to move in together. I won’t deny it, I had my doubts about keeping a relationship alive without living together. I am sure both of you will find living together very rewarding albeit challenging.
    Just a little reference about our relationship so that people out there know that it is possible to have a long long term relationship. We met on 4 March 1994 and moved in together from 6 March 1994 when I was on holiday in Barcelona from Singapore. He is bisexual and I am asexual and we are currently married after staying together since 4 March 1994. And we have moved from Spain to Australia to Thailand and UK and New Zealand. I am always on the lookout for more gay people who are in strong relationships, it warms my heart.
    My sincerest wishes to you both
    Edwin & Agustin

    Reply
    • Jesse
      Jesse says:

      Thanks! Mine is Cancer and his is Virgo, which makes total sense from my perspective. Almost everyone I’ve ever loved romantically has been either a Virgo or a Gemini, and all of my closest friends are Aries (with one notable exception, and he’s a Scorpio which is my mom’s sign). It’s eerie.

      Reply
      • EDWIN AND AGUSTIN
        EDWIN AND AGUSTIN says:

        Agreed, totally, Jesse. Cancer with Virgo is perfect. With Gemini, naw.
        It is eerie but the constellations never lie, in our case, Scorpio and Cancer, very platonic and long lasting.
        Ed, astrology geek

        Reply
  10. Quentin
    Quentin says:

    Congrats, dude. 🙂 You’re a cute couple together, and I love your work, by the way! You are indeed, quite the sexy Muscle Bear 😉 And it’s great that you’ve found a loving partner to share your life with.

    Reply
  11. Quentin
    Quentin says:

    oh, one more thing I forgot to mention. Well, ask, actually… I’ve been doing a bit of research for a story idea that’s been bouncing around my head, and I need to know a porn actor’s opinion on this: I assume that occasionally, you get people that recognize you in your ordinary, daily life. Grocery shopping, Starbucks, etc. etc… my question is, When people recognize you, what is the general reaction? And if or when or recieve a negative or hostile reaction from someone who’s found out how you make your living, how do you handle their comments, and does it bother you? I would greatly appreciate some of your input on the matter. Thank you! 😀

    Reply
    • Jesse
      Jesse says:

      Hey Quentin… first of all, thanks! 🙂

      Hmm… increasingly, out of the corner of my eye, I’ve been catching people looking at me oddly… almost as if they can’t quite place who I am. We Bostonians are usually a reserved bunch, so it wouldn’t surprise me if some of those people recognize me but don’t come up to me. When people do come up to me, though, they’re been 100% polite and respectful. It’s usually along the lines of “Excuse me, are you Jesse? I’m a big fan of your work and/or blog!” It really makes my day when people say stuff like that.

      The only trouble I’ve run into is online. Occasionally someone will make a comment on my blog or on Facebook that is offensive or disrespectful… calling me a “whore” or something like that. It doesn’t really bother me, though; I believe that people who make those kinds of anonymous comments are cowards (I’ve never known anyone like that to use their real name or provide their email address), and compared to the amazing outpouring of support I’ve received from almost everyone I’ve talked to (both online and in person), the occasional vitriol I encounter is pretty empty.

      For a couple of examples of negative comments I’ve received, check out these two blog posts:

      http://jessejackman.xxx/2012/10/15/adversity-advocacy-and-affirmation/
      http://jessejackman.xxx/2012/10/22/you-have-my-pity/

      Hope that helps! Please let me know when you’ve written the story… I’d love to read it!

      Jesse

      Reply
      • Quentin
        Quentin says:

        Wow, it’s amazing that in this day and age, people can still be so butt-hurt about sexuality. (and not in the good way, haha) Thank you VERY much for the input, and it’ll be a little while until I get the story, since I have no internet at home, but I’ll let you know 🙂 Not sure if I should say the plot on here, since i don’t want some random person to steal it, lol. But I’d be very happy to share it with you once i’ve finished, if there is any possible way for me to share it, lol. It shouldn’t take TOO long, since it’s a short story, haha. Once again, thanks SO much for your input! 🙂

        Reply

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] up a giant U-Haul filled with his furniture and musical instruments and books and sex toys and drove 800 miles eastward, to begin our new lives […]

  2. […] last summer, as Dirk was unpacking boxes after the big move, a particular tank top of his caught my eye; it said “PRIZE BULL — THICK CUT […]

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