Archive for month: October, 2013

Once in a while I get asked what some consider an uncomfortable question: How do you stay, uh, clean when you’re bottoming? Unless you and your partner are into scat, it can be a bit embarrassing when the top pulls out and — how shall I put this delicately? — finds his dick covered in shit. Try not to be too hard on yourself, though… shit happens, as it were. It happens to everyone at some time or another, even porn actors. (Yes, it does happen on set occasionally; when it does, we usually take 5 minutes for the bottom to go “touch-up,” as we say in the biz.) But to help you minimize the risk of getting into a messy situation, allow me to humbly offer my thoughts on how to clean up your act… and stay clean.

Protein shake… now with Metamucil!

I used to eat like shit (sorry, that was too easy). I’d have pizza every other night, loved fried food, would wolf down Big Macs like they were sliders. My digestive health suffered big time… and when I would hook up with guys, it was kind of a “crap shoot” (enough with the puns!) whether or not I’d be stinking up the room. Now, however, I get fucked with confidence, knowing that I’ll be clean as a whistle every time… and I owe it all to a healthy diet that’s rich in, you guessed it, fiber… along with lots of lean proteins and green vegetables. And to boost my fiber intake, I mix Metamucil into my protein shakes. Don’t laugh… it’s good for you! And I’ve found that when I blend it into my shakes along with vanilla protein powder and some ice, it makes for a nice texture, kind of like orange sherbet. By the way, the daily recommended dose of fiber for an adult male is 38 grams per day. Don’t overdo it… too much and you can get constipated.

An enema can be your best friend.

Now that I’ve gotten the preachy “eat healthy” bit out of the way, it’s time to discuss techniques for cleaning out. Douching is an uncomfortable subject for many, but I’m going to attempt to give it fair due here. The most important rule, I’d have to say, is “less is more.” If you shoot too much water up your butt, you’re going to loosen stuff up that would have otherwise been just fine way up in there, and untouchable even by the biggest of dicks. So, as with your fiber intake, don’t overdo it. Plus if you put too much water up there, you’ll start to feel uncomfortably bloated.

One of the simplest ways to clean out is a good old-fashioned Fleet enema. They’re cheap, portable, easy to use, and effective; step-by-step instructions are available on Fleet’s website. Inserting the tip might be a little uncomfortable, but try to relax, breath deeply, and try not to clench. Once you’ve got the fluid in there, don’t expel it right away… hold it until you feel the urge to go, but no longer than 10 minutes. And when you do take that crap, you’ll be rid of most of the gunk up there.

For convenient touch-ups, I like to rinse out a little more by using a device called a douche bulb. You fill it with water and use it much the same way as you do an enema. It’s portable, reusable, and especially great for when you’re feeling like you’re probably okay but you just want to be sure.

For a deeper clean, I use a device called a Shower Shot. No power bottom should be without one. They’re easy to install, hygienic, and have a valve that lets you adjust the water pressure. As I keep mentioning, though, be careful not to overdo it. Using too much pressure or rinsing out too many times can actually loosen up stuff you don’t want to be loosened up, and using it at full force can actually damage your insides. Easy does it!

Hit me with your best Shower Shot.

When I’m cleaning out, I prefer to stand in the shower and bend forward; some people are more comfortable sitting on a toilet or lying down in a bathtub. No matter what position you use, the technique is the same: If you’re using a bulb, fill it with warm water; if you’ve got a Shower Shot, start running warm water through it at a relatively low pressure. Then, using a little lube if necessary, insert the tip of the nozzle into your hole. It doesn’t have to go far. Then just relax and let the water flow in. Once you start to feel “full,” remove the nozzle and expel the water, then repeat until the result is relatively clear. You’re not looking for perfection here… remember, less is more! Sometimes you’ll be clean after the first rinse; other times it might take a couple of iterations. But once you’ve gotten most of the gunk out, don’t keep going. You’re probably only going to make things worse.

So there you have it… my poor man’s guide to douching. I’m sure there are plenty of other effective methods out there that people swear by; these are only my personal experiences and recommendations. Also, please don’t consider this to be medical advice… I can’t be held responsible if something goes wrong. But if you relax and take it nice and slow, you’ll be good to go and ready to be fucked with flair. Happy bottoming!

– JJ

P.S. I was also going to write about a gadget called a “StreemMaster” — an awesome portable rig that hooks up to any shower head (see pic below) — but it seems the company has gone out of business! If you’re lucky enough to find one on eBay, though, I’d highly recommend picking one up. They’re pretty awesome.