Matters of the heart

Hospital Bed 01

I’ve been debating whether or not to write this post for a while. At first I didn’t think the topic was relevant, but now that it’s started to affect my behavior I figured it’s worth addressing. Anyway, about two months ago Dirk and I had gone out for sushi with a few friends of ours, a weekly ritual. After dinner I stood up to go to the men’s room and didn’t feel quite right. It felt like my heart was racing, even though I’d been sitting still for over an hour. I had a little trouble finding my pulse, so I asked Dirk to do it. He didn’t feel anything unusual, and after a few minutes I felt normal again, so I shrugged it off and ate my green tea ice cream.

The next day I went to Starbucks to work and write in my blog… another daily ritual. After a couple hours, I got up to refill my coffee and again felt… off. So I took my pulse again, paying much closer attention this time. And this time the rhythm really freaked me out:

thump…. thump…. thump……… thumpthumpthumpthumpthump………………… thump…. thump………
thump…. thump…. thump……… thumpthumpthumpthumpthump………………… thump…. thump………
thump…. thump…. thump……… thumpthumpthumpthumpthump………………… thump…. thump………

I double-checked… then triple checked. No doubt about it. I didn’t feel light-headed or anything… just weird… a little “fluttery,” sort of like the feeling when I get nervous. I went back to my seat and again asked Dirk (who was with me) to check my pulse. No mistaking this time; my heart was acting really weird.

“I don’t feel dizzy or anything,” I said to Dirk. “What do you think… should we go to the ER?”

“I dunno, probably. Couldn’t hurt.”

“Yeah, I guess we’d better go.”

So, feeling fine other than having a freaky rhythm, I went to the ER. (Dirk drove.) The triage nurse immediately sat me down in a wheelchair. “Protocol,” she said. “so you won’t hit your head if you pass out.” Then she hooked me up to a heart monitor.20140417 Heart Monitor

“Looks like a-fib,” she observed.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Atrial fibrillation. Not too bad though, you’re only up in the 180s.”

She was referring to my heart rate. Atrial fibrillation, or “a-fib” as it’s commonly called, is a condition in which one of the atria — the upper chambers of the heart, in my case the left atrium — isn’t receiving the proper nerve impulses, so it ends up “twitching” at a rate of up to three hundred times a minute. This disrupts blood flow to the rest of the body. The heart tries to compensate — hence the irregular rhythm — but cardiac output is typically reduced by about 20%. This means you get tired easily and can feel a bit light-headed. Some people live with a-fib for the rest of their lives, while some people flip in and out of rhythm. People with a-fib also have a five-times-greater risk of stroke; the reason for this is that blood can collect in the atrium and form a clot, and if the clot is released into the bloodstream, it can block blood flow to the brain.

Some scary shit.

The good news was that I wasn’t in any immediate danger (an ultrasound revealed that I hadn’t formed any clots… more on that in a sec). Since there was a chance that I would go back to normal “sinus” rhythm on my own, the ER docs put me on a beta-blocker (which limits the heart’s rate and can encourage it to go back to NSR) and sent me home with instructions to come back on Friday for a rather serious procedure… cardioversion.

Cardioversion is pretty intense. First they do an echocardiogram to make sure that you haven’t formed any clots in your heart. If you don’t have any, then they sedate you and — get this — shock your heart back into rhythm. I had two concerns about this:

1. Before they shock you, they shave off patches of your chest hair… and I had a gig in Kansas City the next week.

2. THEY WERE GOING TO SHOCK MY FUCKING HEART.

My appointment was at 8 am on Friday morning, April 18, less than 36 hours after I’d gone into a-fib. I stopped eating at midnight the previous day (as instructed) and went to bed nervous as all hell. But when I woke up, I felt different. Stronger, more energy. So I checked my pulse.

I’d reverted to normal sinus rhythm on my own. Phew.

I went to my appointment anyway (just in case), and the docs confirmed my self-diagnosis. The beta-blocker had done its job beautifully. No need for the cardiac echo, and no need for cardioversion. I left the hospital about an hour later, unshocked and with chest hair intact.

My cardiologist — I have a cardiologist now, which is kinda strange — thinks that I had something called isolated a-fib… that is, it’s not likely to ever recur. (Thankfully, it means I can keep making porn!) He’s not sure what triggered it… my understanding is that athletes can develop a-fib as the heart grows stronger and nerves have trouble adapting. Dehydration is also one of the known causes, so maybe the salt in the soy sauce (plus the fact that I’d just done an hour of cardio before sushi) or the diuretic effect of the coffee had something to do with it. So I’m trying to cut back on sodium (easy) and curtail the coffee intake (not so easy). I have to say, though, that I’m now acutely aware of my heart rate… an effect that one of my nurses called the “ticking clock” effect: once you notice the tick of a clock in the room, as she explained it, you’re aware of it all the time. And I am. That’s a good thing, I guess.

I also have a couple of new medications. My doc prescribed something called propafenone, in keeping with a newer form of reactive treatment called “pill in a pocket.” I carry it with me everywhere; I’m supposed to take it at the first sign of an arrhythmia as it’s been shown to help with the immediate conversion back to normal sinus rhythm. If it doesn’t work, then I’ll head to the ER for cardioversion.

The second medication — and the reason for this blog post — is the beta-blocker, which I’m continuing to take. My cardiologist prescribed metoprolol tartrate, otherwise known as Lopressor, as a safety net; I’m supposed to take it for three months just to make sure I don’t go back into a-fib. It’s been a little over two months now. A few people — including, I suspect, many of you who are reading this post — might have noticed that I haven’t been contributing to the blog or to Facebook much over the last couple of months. There’s a good reason for this. About 5% of patients on Lopressor experience depression as a significant side-effect. I appear to be one of those one-in-twenty. My energy and enthusiasm are way, way down, and I’m getting discouraged by it. The things I normally love — writing and lifting and hanging out with friends and being social and stuff — have been a real struggle for me. IML, for example, was a lot tougher than I let on (but I got through it). Dirk and I are bickering more than usual. My sex drive is down, too, which really sucks (I’m usually super-duper horny, but not much at all lately). And this whole ordeal has placed me in intimate contact with my own mortality… always a sobering thought.

So the reason I’m writing this is to apologize for my relative lack of sociability over the last couple of months. The end is in sight, though… I only have a month to go on my beta-blocker regimen, and I just asked my doctor if I can either curtail the dose or switch to a different medication. So please… bear with me! I’ll be back to normal in no time, I promise.

A couple of final thoughts:

1. If you ever feel “off” or have any questions about your health, please for heaven’s sake talk to your doctor. I’m a stubborn SOB, and part of me wanted to go to the gym instead of going to the ER. I’m glad I didn’t, because now I know about my condition and am doing something about it. Who knows, if I didn’t get it checked out, I might have blown a clot. Knowing is better than not knowing.

2. Dirk, as always, has been wonderful through all of this. I haven’t been myself since April 16th… far from it. I’ve been kind of a wreck because of the depression brought on by the beta-blocker. But Dirk’s been right here with me the entire time, taking me to the doctor and sitting with me at the hospital and toughing it through my mood swings at home. I hate putting him through this, perhaps more than any other part of the whole ordeal… but he’s done so much for me, and had the patience of a saint. This’ll all be behind us pretty soon, thank goodness.

So thank you Dirk, and thank you everybody, for sticking around while I get through this. I mean that… from the bottom of my heart.

20140417 Hospital Bed 03
 

62 replies
  1. greggory
    greggory says:

    I know how you feel Jesse..I have had afib for years. The metoprolol will work…just takes awhile sometimes. I had to get an ICD (implantable converter/defibrillator) so you are doing a lot better than some of us…..take good care!

    Reply
  2. Barbara Lampron
    Barbara Lampron says:

    I am so sorry Jesse. We all will/would stick around for you no matter what. I am sorry that you’re going thru hell but like the song says “if you’re going thru hell keep on going. Don’t look back just keep on going before the devil even knows you’re there”.
    You are such a sweet man! And Dirk is capable of taking care of you so he’s sweet too.

    Reply
  3. Wayne
    Wayne says:

    Jesse, you make sure you take care of yourself. And…….yes, you got me thinking. I don’t get a racing heartbeat, but a quick stop then a thud of a beat after that. Noooooooo, I haven’t seen my doctor about it but now I’m thinking I may. Of course, I’ve quit smoking (whew!) but CANNOT quit the coffee!! lol
    Take care, and so thankful you wrote this. You’ve been sort of an inspiration to me. I’m older (50) in relatively great shape (gym, 5 time a week; 3 times weight, 2 time HIIT). Married to a woman but in love with a 25 year old man who loves me too. And I’m also jealous of you and Dirk…..because you both have each other! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…woof!

    Reply
    • Jesse
      Jesse says:

      Okay, before I wrote this post I had reservations about doing it… health matters are pretty personal, after all… but knowing that it may have convinced you to check in with your doctor has just made it feel worthwhile. Thank you.

      Reply
  4. Steven Hennessee
    Steven Hennessee says:

    Jesse – The important thing is that you have discovered the problem and know how to take care of yourself, as well as having a loving guy to be there for you. Take care of yourself.

    Reply
  5. Scott
    Scott says:

    Jesse, Glad you are not so stubborn that you did not seek medical attention. I am 53 and had my first A fib episode 4 years ago after my first colonoscopy. LOL Being a cardiac nurse I instantly knew what was going on with my heart and what they would put me on. I was in the hospital already so they kept me over night and gave me a dose of “metoprolol”. by morning I converted back to Normal Sinus Rhythm.”NSR”. I am still on a low dose of Metoprolol because I just don’t want to fall back into A fib. It also has affected my sex life but I am not in the porn industry so not a big deal to me. Hope you don’t have to stay on the medication in your case.
    It would have been my pleasure to be your nurse that day. Most of my patients are not very sexy. I hope you had a hot male nurse. 🙂

    Reply
  6. Lyne Beausejour
    Lyne Beausejour says:

    Wonderful that you had the courage of sharing your story. Lopressor sucks indeed because it lowers the sex drive as you say. I on the other hand did not have depression but the lack of libido was driving my hubby nuts. My physician changed my meds to Sectral which is also a beta blocker. It has worked wonders for me. I’ve been taking it for a while because of my permanent heart condition! I go to the gym regularly to keep in shape, not over doing it, but keeping the heart in shape! It’s hard to imagine you not being sociable, but it’s understandable. Hang in there! Just remember one day at a time. Be patient, I know a lot easier said than done. Live for the moment, here and now! I know what I’m talking about! Diet is also important, that pump of your has to feed a big and tall body to provide oxygen to all your organs. The bickering between Dirk and yours is just a phase and I’m sure the fact that you are both stubborn as hell is not helping matters.LOL The love you both share is getting stronger because of this episode. APOLOGY NOT NECESSARY! 🙂 big hugs to you both.

    Reply
    • tom remillard
      tom remillard says:

      Glad your doing better. Most would shrug it off, and go on ending up in the hospital with something much worse. Dirk is a saint for taking care of you through this, you must. keep yourself health and happy.
      As one of your fans we love you both.Big bear hugs to you both

      Reply
  7. Liz
    Liz says:

    I’m so sorry to learn that you’ve been going through all this, and it was very thoughtful of you to explain your reduced social media presence. If I had noticed if, I would have attributed it to increased demands in your work or private life, or simply that it’s summer, when we’re spending more time outside and not in front of the computer.

    I’m glad that it appears to be an acute situation and that the light at the end of the tunnel is growing brighter each day, And I think it’s amazing that despite being hooked up to all sorts of monitors, you still take selfies.

    Take care!

    Reply
  8. Octavio Ramos
    Octavio Ramos says:

    Jesse,
    Thank God you are okay and took care of your conditions. Your story has given me awareness on fibs when it comes to the heart. God bless and how we say in Mexico “ANIMO” which means stay tough and get better.

    Reply
  9. Buzz Charton MDS,RCS,ACLS,PALS
    Buzz Charton MDS,RCS,ACLS,PALS says:

    Jesse, first let me start out by saying I understand what your going thru. I’m a diagnostic and invasive cardiac specialist, I’ve done thousands of echos as well as cardioversions. I know you’ve got your physicians in place however I would be happy to talk to you about any questions you may have in the future. Either with procedures, medications or just to lend an ear. Also bring a gay male and an athlete we’ve got a lot in common. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. You can find me on Facebook too. My best to you and Dirk.

    Reply
  10. Bearstiger
    Bearstiger says:

    Jesse and Dirk,

    I have noticed that Jesse has been quiet for awhile, and while I thought was odd, after reading his post I am sure people that enjoy you both (whether in film or real deal), will be more understanding about Jesse taking small steps, getting back into his normal rythym.

    Suggestions for your both on Jesse’s behalf:

    1. If you don’t own a smaller version of a blood pressure machine, buy one. If someone reaches 180, ur dangerously high for borderline hypertension or worse. I use one when I usually go to Wal-mart or CVS to check mine, can’t aford one otherwise.

    2. If the is a behavioral clinic nearby your hometown, check into it and request for any ANGER MANAGEMENT classes that a therapist offers. They will have the primary person (Jesse) fill out paperwork, ask if there is someone that he desires to go with him (Dirk or mom), and they will expect an additional person each time u visit. I have a frioend from Jaycees that is my therapist from time to time. This class is helpful in teaching you possible triggers to ur anger, and they are required to keep everything private.

    3. Depression, low drive and medication: these 3 things are linked. About 90-95% of meds have a possibility of causing depression (and depending on the person), it can be so cumbersome that they become reclusive to the point even desire isn’t important (and for Jesse this is scary, since he seems obnoxiously hyper, which is why people like him besides his “mind” and bod).

    4. Sense of mortality: Don’t shoot the messenger, but when someone as “hardcore” as you both realize this breaking point, it means that one is near to a point of making a decision that is eternal, something more than what exists here on Earth, and has a more lasting value that gives each person a sense of purpose. And as far as thinking that people would laugh at you for experiencing such thoughts, more people deny (because of image and pride) that something considered weak was entertained, personally in ur thoughts.

    5. Social circles: I know u have friends in Titan that might live around you and Dirk, and that Dirk is usually gone from time to time (read posts from both), so if mom or ur friends want u to step out and enjoy urself with them, let them.

    And Jesse, keep a journal of days (dictated or not) about the days that were harder to deal with, and people such as Dirk, ur mom or friends will be able to help jog ur memory.

    One last thing, I’m sure u and Dirk know that pornstars have a larger problem dealing with depression (apart from drugs or meds), but having the therapist and someone to go with u. Jesse, is to help not hinder ur abnormal sense of depression from the meds. I ain’t a doc or nurse; but I suffered most of my life with depression from prescribed meds and wanted to pass along every bit of my experience that is somewhat similar to urs.

    And always keep in mind, ur mom only has u and Dirk (as far as I know from ur posts), and I am sure if u did something stupid that would rob them of u, they’d never be the same.

    Bears

    Reply
  11. Kennan F. Parish
    Kennan F. Parish says:

    Just want let you know that two guys from Texas will keep both of you in our hearts, minds, thoughts and prayers. Dealing with issues of the heart can be scary when dealing with either medical or love, we hope that all will continue going in the right direction and you soon get back into all of your favorite trouble!

    Reply
  12. Denise Dechene
    Denise Dechene says:

    Jesse I am glad you had yourself checked. Most people below the age of 60 usually ignore heart problems as thinking there is nothing wrong because they are too young. My husband had AFib at age 35 and he had to have a defibrillator installed as well as take blood thinners. Due to some testing that had him go off the blood thinners he formed a clot a suffered a stroke, he was 37. It took a lot of guys to let us see something so personal. Also beta blockers have another side effect that is not seen in many people, malaise. It is a rare side effect but can cause people no end of trouble. I am glad you had someone by your side during this. Dirk, even though Jesse is the one physically going through this your part (emotionally) can be just as tiring and exhausting. Remember to take care of yourself as well.

    Reply
  13. rikjake
    rikjake says:

    Lucky for you, but every time I read the account of someone fortunate enough to have the kind of insurance where he or she can seek the services of medical specialists without having to give a thought to how much it costs, it makes me angry all over again the fucked up way we dispense health care in America.

    Reply
  14. Sandy
    Sandy says:

    Oh sweetie, I hate that you are going through this. It’s truly a blessing that you paid attention to your body and that you went to the ER. Thank God. Depression sucks, there’s no two ways about it. But, you have all of us to talk to and to vent to. You can use us as a support system. However, I know you have the absolutely best support system at home than anyone could ever ask for. Your Dirk.

    You both hang in there, okay? I know this is incredibly scary right now for the both of you, but you have each other to lean on. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

    Sandy

    Reply
  15. Paul
    Paul says:

    Feel better man. We went through a bit of a health crisis recently (something you and Dirk did a PSA recently for).

    Your health is one of the most important things in life.

    Peace and happiness.

    Reply
  16. Jon
    Jon says:

    Hey Jesse I am glad you got medical attention when you did, so it didn’t get worse. Also it’s good to have a partner there to help you in your battles to stay healthy… Lots of love to you and him…

    Reply
  17. Nick
    Nick says:

    Greetings from Singapore!
    Thank you, Jesse, for sharing and very heartening to know you seek medical attention and that as a couple, both shared the pains and relief of the trauma.
    I myself just lost a friend, Zurk, to cancer and his partner, Eric, proved to be a figure to reckon with sticking by his side all through his last breath.
    I only wish you both the best of what life has to offer, peppered plenty with wonderful moments together with Dirk; and of course the pinkest of health.
    Take care and God bless…

    Reply
  18. Aaron Trueblood
    Aaron Trueblood says:

    —Thank you for sharing your post…although personal, men really do need to hear about these important health issues that face many of us. Unknowingly, you checked all of the boxes that I continue to face with my recent circulation problems. And, have had similar struggles with finding the right blocker that is compatible with my body. And too, your knowing the cause of the health issue and being proactive in addressing the issue will bring peace of mind and heart. Your life will return to normal with all of the wonderful challenges we men face as we are getting older. Watch out for the guarana, ginkgo biloba, testosterone body building products…and over use of caffeine…they really up my bottom number on my blood pressure and throw my heart off rhythm…Stay healthy, horny and happy and enjoy a long and lasting love life with Dirk.
    Aaron

    Reply
  19. Adam
    Adam says:

    Pharmaceuticals have some really nasty side effects but hang in there. Dont know if you’ve ever tried meditation but when I was depressed and feeling like a real bag of shit in between jobs after school this past winter I gave it a try and it definitely helped me get through some tough weeks here at home. May sound like bs but I was wicked surprised by the way I felt the first time I really gave it a go.

    Reply
  20. Andrew
    Andrew says:

    Jesse,

    Take good care of yourself. I’m glad you’re OK. Health is the most important component of life, without it, everything else would be mostly meaningless. I’m glad you managed to catch that issue quickly and were able to deal with it swiftly. Dirk you’re a gem to stand by your man. Lots of love to you both. Big hug and hang in there.

    Reply
  21. angie
    angie says:

    I’m happy to hear that you did go to the ER! I don’t know much about afib, but I do know about meds that put you into depression and take away your sex drive. Not a happy place to be for you or Dirk. I had to go off the meds as I had so many side effects, so talk to your doc if you can’t cope. Dirk is I’m sure happy and grateful that you are still here so let him help, take a deep breath when you think you need to do it all, he needs this. Good luck xxx

    Reply
  22. Admirer!
    Admirer! says:

    Wishing you both all the best. Your health and commitment to each other comes before everything else, so take care of yourselves and each other and don’t worry about the audience.

    Reply
  23. Lyne Beausejour
    Lyne Beausejour says:

    Reading your post again made me think of an episode of the Simpson’s when Homer had a heart attack and had to go through surgery. Their is a review of that episode that made me smile. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aGGQqoxMzV4. But the one thing that made me laugh is the end when the heartbeat follows the Simpson music as if the heart was in A-fib. You can actually watch that episode at http://wtsof.tv/watch/S4E11-homer-s-triple-bypass, Or scroll at almost the end to see that part. They do treat the matter seriously (as seriously as the Simpson’s can be), but that last part makes me smile. May your heart always beat to the beat of your own music for a very long time! 🙂 😉

    Reply
  24. Ken
    Ken says:

    Hi Jessie Don’t worry to much I have had AV for over a year now the pills really work. Don’t worry about the sex drive it will come back. This happens sometimes after hart probs.good luck .

    Reply
  25. Gary Huffstater
    Gary Huffstater says:

    I had Atrial Fibrillation 12 times a year as same as you have. Cardioversion 12 times. Finally, cardioversion does not work so I have to go through Cardio ablation for my forth time within 3 years at Brigham Women Hospital. My A-Fib was gone and bye since 4 yrs but my sinus rhythm responses slow in the aorta area. Pacemaker was necessary to invert in my left side of upper chest last December that works me fine. I continue to workout at gym. I could not use lap down to avoid disconnect wire inside pacemaker. My left arm should not pull too heavy. I know you love to workout with weight lifting program. Would you tell me other way I can do such as lap down machine. Thank you for sharing with me. My cardiologist told me that I could live over age 90 with pacemaker. I understand that pacemaker’s battery would have to replace every 8 yrs. Dirk, he will have to go through what I did and worthwhile for his lifetime.
    God bless you, two. .
    Hugs
    Gary
    Gary

    Reply
  26. Helena Stone
    Helena Stone says:

    I don’t think any of us truly appreciate how precious are partners are until we are ill and next to impossible to live with and they’re still there, caring for us, taking our depression and mood changes in their stride and never allowing us to just give up. My husband had to do that for me a few years ago and I still don’t know where he found the patience. I’m with you all the way, it makes them into saints.

    Good luck. I hope this is the end of your health problems and that you’ll be able to say goodbye to those horrible side-effects soon. Thank you for a well written and very important post.

    Reply
  27. ck Hemmerling
    ck Hemmerling says:

    Im glad you went, my brother age 52, and my nephew age 32 both died of heart failure. They just died. No notice. Im so happy for Drik, that he didn’t lose you. I really like you both, make a great couple.

    Reply
  28. Samuel Legg
    Samuel Legg says:

    Hey Jesse, It really get to me when one of your idols goes through a rough time because both you and Dirk indirectly helped me to accept myself and to come out after reading your blogs. You guys are my inspiration to better myself and to love life. I sincerely hope things begin to pick up for you and everything gets back to normal. look after yourselves.

    Reply
      • Samuel Legg
        Samuel Legg says:

        It went rather well. It was like your post about your mum finding out about you doing porn. She was supportive and had her concerns, especially about me being with older guys, but as long as I am happy and safe that’s all that matters. Thanks for the reply, really made my day!

        Reply
  29. Tashia
    Tashia says:

    I’m so glad that you’re doing much better now and pray the rough patches are behind you. Wishing you all the best in love, health, and happiness. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

    Reply
  30. Chris Hodgson
    Chris Hodgson says:

    Jessie: I am a little late to your party on this one… Nothing I am going to say has not already been said by the other kind and thoughtful folks farther up in the replies. You’re going to get a lot of advice on what to do and what not to do…this is where educating yourself comes into play. I had a heart attack at 38 and luckily my Mom (who happened to be a coronary care nurse) made me go to the emergency room and the problem was fixed. I had some advantages as the son of a nurse in that we regularly discussed what she did at work from a technical standpoint…I also started to read articles and what journal’s were available so that I could understand what would help me as well as what could be a problem. I will tell you I have been lucky in that I have not been on a beta blocker and my Cardiologist has never suggested one in the last 13 years. If for some reason they want to extend the metoprolol tartrate, ask for a substitute that can get you out of the depression state. Mental attitude is a big part of overall health and there are other beta blockers that will not have the side effects your getting. Let us keep our fingers crossed that you can come off the prescriptions completely.

    My partner and I have been involved with each for about 25 years and I will tell you that serious health events do have a way of growing the bond between lovers/partners/etc. Cherish that bond. It gets deeper with time and love. You’re relationship inspires me. Glad you are recovering and I wish you the best of health.

    Deep regards, CH

    p.s. I am hoping you and Dirk are able to get down to NYC for Pride this weekend.

    Reply
    • Lyne Beausejour
      Lyne Beausejour says:

      Beautiful post. I totally agree with you on everything. It is wonderful to hear that some couples do last.

      Reply
  31. R.thomas
    R.thomas says:

    Glad feeling better ( very scary reading blog ) I am too don’t like going to doctors always think I can just walk it off , after reading this I should reconsider

    Reply
  32. Barbara
    Barbara says:

    Jesse,
    I’m glad that yours was an isolated case . I do hope you are doing better, depression is the worse. You are lucky to have family and friends to see you through this. Dirk is a Blessing. He will always be there, I do believe he is in it for the long haul. Both of you take care of yourselves. Wishing you good health, and many happy years together.
    Barb <3

    Reply
  33. dave F
    dave F says:

    Wow! I am so inspired by your honesty and the strength of the relationship you have with Dirk. You are a beautiful writer also. ‘thanks for sharing this personal story..

    Reply
  34. Byron
    Byron says:

    If you are ever back in Chicago and want an Echocardiogram or EKG I’ll “hook you up” (pun intended). Glad you feel better!

    Reply
  35. Alexandre
    Alexandre says:

    Sorry to hear about your problem, but very happy to see that you’re taking care of it. I have high blood presure and need to take the same atenction to my heart like you. Take care man. You and your husband are my idols 🙂

    Reply
  36. Dr. William Conley Th.D.
    Dr. William Conley Th.D. says:

    Jesse,
    My prayers go with you and will be with you each day. Your heart is growing bigger because of your love for Dirk and your workout routine. It’s sometimes a nice thing to see a physical response to LOVE especially in this day and age.

    I myself suffer from Cataplexy which is a sudden and transient episode of muscle weakness accompanied by full conscious awareness, triggered by in my case strong negative emotions (deep sadness, anger and sometimes pain) where simply put- my brain turns off my body and focuses on dealing with the emotion subconsciously. I guess that is better then blowing up at someone, and when I come out of it I am very refreshed and at peace.

    I brought my cataplexy up because I think your great love also has something to do with your heart and I wanted to show you that at the core of your condition is possibly a good sign for Dirk of the love you have and share. It’s quite visible to anyone who reads your blogs or has seen you two together in a film….

    Anyway, I offer you my prayers and wish you both a speedy recovery!

    Dr. William Conley
    https://www.facebook.com/wil.conley

    Reply
  37. Seaguy
    Seaguy says:

    I take Metoprolol Succinate for high blood pressure and have not had any side effects not sure if that is way different than the tartate you take, but at any rate glad your better and thanks for sharing it will probably educate people and could save someones life.

    They can probably give you an antidepressant to counteract the side effect but then you might get side effects from the antidepressant they often have sexual side effects so not sure you want that.

    Reply
    • Jesse
      Jesse says:

      I’m pretty sure the depression doesn’t affect everyone. From what I’ve read, only about 5% of people who take metoprolol experience it as a side-effect. Happily, I’m off the Lopressor now so I’m okay (feeling better already!) but I’m sure there would have been other options to try had they become necessary.

      Reply
    • Jesse
      Jesse says:

      Three points here:

      1) I get my ass fucked for fun.

      2) If you’d taken any time at all to read my blog, you’d know that I’m a senior engineer who’s been gainfully employed by the same company for over 20 years; porn for me is just an interesting and — again — fun sideline.

      3) I find it fascinating how you have such disdain for a fellow human being, which more often than not is a reflection of deep-seeded self-loathing. You really should respect yourself more. What a shame.

      Reply
  38. Anthony Bowers
    Anthony Bowers says:

    Jesse I will keep you in my prays for you to return to your normal self. I also have a medical problem that causes me not to get an erection. I can not change my problems but your younger and healthy living, Keep us informed

    Anthony

    Reply
  39. Philippe S
    Philippe S says:

    Wow Jesse, I was a bit shocked when I read this. I’m glad to hear everything turned out fine and that you’re aware of what ‘s going on. Good to hear that you didn’t decide to go to the gym. I can’t imagine how Dirk could carry you on his shoulders out of the gym to the ER if something went wrong… even though he’s broad shouldered as well 🙂

    Take care of you my big man! I’m sure you’ll do fine.
    And (not so) secretly I’m glad you can still do porn 😀

    Philippe

    Reply
  40. Gary Huffstater
    Gary Huffstater says:

    Brigham Women and Hospital cardiologists are best. I was victim of A-fib so I see Dr John there. My A-Fib attacks me 4 or more per month so I had to do cardio version frequency that happened me in 2009-2011.
    I went thru cardio ablation for my Forth time to shoot nerve impulse in the upper chamber of heart. I’m glad A-Fib cured and no more till last month that my A- fib attacks me again so cardio version had to get me back regular sinus heart.

    Reply
  41. Didier joseph
    Didier joseph says:

    salut je suis en Haïtien et je suis un de vos plus grand Fans j’étais inquiet en lisant su Facebook l’état de votre sante je penses que vous n’étais a deux doigts de faire une crise cardiaque et d’après moi votre état est très fragile. qui donc vous devez prendre un peu de repos

    Reply

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] which is a kind of abnormal heart condition. He wrote about everything in this blog post “Matters of The Heart.” I’m glad that he’s okay and didn’t have to undergo the cardioversion. His […]

  2. […] couple of weeks ago, Jesse had to go to a hospital, and he has recently published a blog post about it. I’m glad Jesse is feeling […]

  3. […] Exclusive Jesse Jackman tells us about his “Shocking” Heart Flutter and subsequent hospitalization. Don’t worry, he’s just fine and will be back in front of the cameras […]

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