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“COLT” comfort

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So last summer, as Dirk was unpacking boxes after the big move, a particular tank top of his caught my eye; it said “PRIZE BULL — THICK CUT BEEF” on it. “I don’t remember where I got it,” Dirk said. “It just kinda appeared one day. You want it?” It had a faded stain of some sort on the front of it, but otherwise it was awesome… and it fit me, which is rare because Dirk’s shirts are usually too small. I eagerly accepted my hubby’s gift. It’s since become one of my favorite tank tops; it’s super comfortable, plus people say I look hot in it… and who am I to argue?

Fast forward a few months. Dirk and I were in San Francisco for the 2013 Folsom Street Fair, and gone out to dinner in the Castro with our good friends Dolan Wolf and Kristofer Weston. (Kristofer, as you may know, is the lead director at COLT Studio Group.) Anyway, as we’re all sitting around the table enjoying our bulgogi beef and ok-dol bibimbap, Kristofer starts eyeing the tank top I was wearing… the very one Dirk had given me.

“I used to have a shirt just like that,” Kristofer observed.

“Really?” I replied.

“Yeah… in fact it had an oil stain on the front of it, just like yours does. Where did you get that?”

At that point, Dirk turned beet red. “Oops,” he said. “I must have grabbed it by mistake when I was out there filming Fur Mountain!” Apparently my hubby had been in a bit of a hurry to catch a flight back home, and had shoved what he thought was a pile of his dirty laundry into his suitcase. As it turns out, a certain tank top belonging to a certain director had been in that pile as well. Oops, indeed! Very generously, Kristofer let me keep it… and I still wear it all the time.

So hey, Kristofer, if you’re reading this… I wanna buy you a new tank top. It’s the least I can do for letting me keep such an awesome gift.

The oil stain, of course, is optional.
 

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Dolan Wolf, Kristofer Weston, me, and Dirk in 2013 during Folsom Street Fair weekend. Check out my tank top!

 

The Wrong Idea

Dirk’s third COLT film, ARMOUR, came out yesterday; he’s got two scenes in it, one with Bob Hager and another with Jessy Ares. I excitedly announced the film’s release on Facebook and posted the above official COLT promo photo… one of the only Facebook-safe pictures COLT provided! (I’ve posted the racier pics below.)

The next day I logged into Facebook to find a couple of rather unexpected comments on the photo:

Isaac Neil Adam:  urmm… he is soooo hot and gorgeous!!! woww!!! but i wonder if by any chance you doesnt feel jealous of your BF being ‘used’ by someone? just want to ask. because i cant stand if my love one is fucking or fucked by another guys. it hurts me alot and cause intense pain. my heart surely bleeding…

Craig McIntyre:  Isaac it’s just a job. No heart involved just pure sex without emotion.

Let me just say, for the record, it’s not like that, at least not for Dirk and me. I can tell you from my own personal experience that there’s plenty of emotion on a porn set. There’s lust for my fellow performers, passion for doing a good job, and the pure visceral joy and pleasure of fucking or being fucked. In addition, I’ve always felt genuine affection for each of my scene partners; Titan has sent a parade of classy, friendly, easy-going, smart, HOT men my way, so how could I not? And that emotional connection pours into the scene. Completely mechanical sex would be boring! And would make for pretty terrible porn, in my opinion. We’re human beings, not fuck machines. I’ve always had chemistry with my scene partners… and it’s that chemistry that drives the scene.

As to Isaac’s question: I love Dirk, and he has a special place in my heart, as do I in his. That said, both of us feel an intense desire to really connect with people we care about; that desire isn’t limited to just each other, and sometimes that connection includes a sexual component. We each have certain friends — close friends — with whom sex is a natural part of our friendship; it’s part of our bond. Dirk has friends whom he sleeps with on occasion, and I have some as well. I respect the friendships that Dirk has made, as he respects mine… but at no point have I ever felt “shut out” from them. Dirk and I have only one rule in our relationship: “Never bring home anything you don’t want to share.” It works on all sorts of levels, but in this context it allows a sexual openness that is both liberating and exhilarating. As long as I feel included, I’m not jealous at all.

Similarly, when he’s working on set, I feel in no way threatened. Porn sex may not be romantic love, but I know that Dirk enjoys making and exploring the sexual connection he has with his co-stars (just like I enjoy the connections I make with mine). In fact, I encourage those sorts of connections, as does he with me. Maybe he’ll learn some new techniques. Maybe he’ll make a new friend. Maybe he’ll bring that friend home so we can all explore those new techniques together. (It’s happened!) But most importantly, as long as he’s happy and I get to share in that happiness, I’m happy too… and that’s good enough for me.

And now for those COLT photos I promised. Make sure you check out ARMOUR, and all of Dirk’s other COLT and Titan films… and if you really want to see a lot of emotion in a porn film, check out the Titan films that Dirk and I shot together, LOUD AND NASTY and EXTRA FIRM!